Editing Beyond Grammar – Let’s talk Details and Realism

You think when you edit a novel, you’re looking for grammar, inconsistencies, POV switches and spelling errors. Those are the most flagrant crimes that authors deal with at first. But then, when you really delve into the book, you find the “other” errors.

I’m one of those people that can edit a novel into the next millenia. It’s never good enough for me and I know that each time I re-read the novel I can add something to make it better. And if it’s printed and I re-read it? I try not to cringe when I see things that I’d definitely want to change.

My recent WIP is finished and professionally edited. The story is flowing, it works, my rules all line up. The last part of this process will be for me to delete unecessary chapters, but that’s for another blog – one I’ll probably rant about next week where I feel like I’m killing my babies by deleting scenes. (I’ll admit, I’m having a hard time) But, I’ll leave that bloodletting to next week’s blog.

This week I want to talk about details and realism. I’m going line by line in my WIP and I’m still finding a few inconsistencies. Or, at least details not added that should be. In one chapter, it’s February, my main character is on a job outside at night, in winter, and she has to dress provocatively for an assignment. Um, where’s the coat she was wearing while she staked out the place? Why doesn’t she have goosebumps after a bit once she changes? Can she see the breath of her “target” as they parole the perimeter? I realize I have to add those tiny details to keep the realism in the scene.

In another segment I have her on the run in a jungle, her partner with her. They are being chased and hide behind a huge kapok tree. She hugs the tree, her partner flush against her as they try to make themselves as small as possible. I just remembered, this morning, she’s wearing a backpack. How can he be flush against her and she can feel his breath on her neck? I need to have her either drop the backpack or reword how he’s holding her. Will the reader recognize this? Maybe, or maybe not, but I did and so now I have to fix it. I’m still figuring out how to fix it though… the backpack is loaded with stuff and I have to decide is it one of those that clip around your waist or is just a standard fare? It will change how I fix this scene.

Editing goes beyond just grammar, missed words, spelling and POV switches. Things have to make sense and must be realistic. The last thing I want to do is have my reader stop and get confused by anything I say. “Hey, that doesn’t make sense” is something that will make me cringe.

So, my one word of advice is this… take the time and care after your novel is done and put to bed to do that one last line-by-line read-thru… or two line-by-line read-thrus. Don’t rush. Your book will be better for it.

Why I Need an Editor, Part 3

I’m finishing up the final touches on my WIP and I’m left with a few final thoughts from my editor. Let’s talk “engagement.” The last thing an author wants to do is “lurch a reader out of the story” because we’ve done something keenly wrong, like switch up the POV, spelling errors … or… the worst… inconsistencies. We don’t want our readers to suddenly stop and have to figure out what we mean and why something doesn’t make sense. We want to keep them engaged in the tale, continously reading and not “startling them” by including things that don’t have relevance to the story.

My book is about a girl avenging the deaths of her parents who were on a quest to find the mystical land of Xanadu. It’s an international thriller, has deep Buddhist elements to it and I’ve interweaved a fantastical aspect. But, apparently there are levels of fantasy and we must remember that no matter what fantastical elements we add, they must be written within the confines of the story. NOTE from my Editor (which I’ve “edited” myself to not give away any spoilers):

Denise/Editor: “Elyse, I’ve been sitting here for three days trying to figure out why when I start reading your “Fantasy” sections, I’m lurched out of the story. I think I’ve figured it out. You have this whole dark, Tibetan/Indian/Far East thriller going on with lots about Buddha and living in these exotic locales. But when I read about “your fantasy land” I feel like I just walked onto the set of Lord of the Rings. The fantasy is too high.”

You see, I made up names for crazy little animals, I had castles and glittering cities of diamonds, I had Kings and Queens in these segments. Fact is, this is a Far Eastern thriller, so these segments should have the same flavor as the rest of the novel. Maybe the King and Queen are Emperors and Empresses (they are now), maybe the castle is a monastery fashioned like an imperial palace (it is now), maybe the animals no longer have names like Snowflake and Torch (can we say Ishu and Dorje?)… you see what I mean? Instead of a town hall, the village has thatched huts, the city doesn’t glisten like diamonds, but is rimmed in gold. Add an Asian feel and keep the story consistent.

This is what I need an editor for. She beta reads for me as she edits – and the story is much better for it. For anyone interested, Denise is doing a special until Labor Day. Normally she charges $4 a page, but she’s only charging $2 a page, doublespaced, for your manuscript. Here’s her website: http://www.thomas-talks-to-me.com/editing/index.html

Why I Need an Editor Part #2

As I slowly move through my recent WIP (work in progress), my editor, Denise Vitola, is pointing out things that I never really thought about before. For instance, the word “very.” I like this word. If I’m happy, I’m usually very happy. If I’m tired, I’m usually very tired. Maybe I’m a girl of extremes, but I use this word to make my adjectives stronger and to show that “I’m really serious about this feeling.”

Alas, I’ve been instructed to “banish the word ‘very’ from my manuscript.” This word, along with other descriptive words like “extremely, ridiculously and amazingly.” Why? Because these words don’t give the reader any sort of real visual. There is always a stronger word to use. My thought to my editor was, “but why must we explain everything? Can’t we let our readers figure anything out for themselves or create whatever description they’d like themselves?” Her answer? “No.”

Her explanation and suggestions are this: If I say “the girl is very beautiful.” Denise says “the girl is either beautiful or she’s not. You can use a much better word.” Hence, if she’s THAT beautiful, well, “the girl is stunning.”

Along these same lines: “He is ridiculously funny.” Nope, he’s either funny or he’s not, or he’s HILARIOUS. “She is very cold.” If she is very cold, isn’t she “freezing? “She is very smart.” Actually, that means “she’s brilliant.” You get the idea.

Denise believes that as writers we must find ways to describe the situation visually to our readers. We must choose words that are stronger and have more description to them.

I agree and I’m very happy about her comments… Actually “I’m ecstatic!”

For anyone interested in working with a great editor – Denise is doing a special until Labor Day. Normally she charges $4 a page, but she’s only charging $2 a page, doublespaced, for your manuscript. If you wish to take your writing up to the next level and have a real writing coach work with you, with the work personalized specifically to your novel, I highly recommend her. Here’s her website: http://www.thomas-talks-to-me.com/editing/index.html

Why I Need an Editor

Sigh…. Grammar… That elusive part of a sentence that can make or break what you write. Those pesky little verbs, adverbs, and ridiculously used adjectives. Those improper colons and commas. And then there are the clauses. Frankly, I still don’t know what they are. Thank God for my editor, Denise Vitola. I have been working with her for about 18 years now. She’s edited easily five of my manuscripts and a bunch of short stories and along the way has truly helped me to become a better writer. But I digress…..

Grammar.

Denise is editing my current WIP (work in progress). It’s a thriller about a girl avenging the death of her parents on their quest to find the mystical land of Xanadu. Ok, enough pre-promotion.

I sent Denise my manuscript and she sent me back edits. Here is my sentence, which to me seems a “tad” run on, but otherwise totally fine to my eye:

In his ever present black jeans and rock t-shirt, a bright tattoo of a flaming red phoenix could be seen on his right arm peeking out from underneath his shirt sleeve where it had rolled up.

I inquired, “what is possibly wrong with this sentence?” Apparently, I’ve faux pas’d like 5 times in one line… that HAS to be a record! Her reply?  ”You’ve strung together way too many clauses and so the impact of the sentence is lost in all the run-on description.”

Clauses? Now I have to worry about something called Clauses? Her explanation of the issues:

(In his ever present black jeans and rock t-shirt,) PARENTHETICAL CLAUSE, ALSO KNOWN AS A SUBORDINATE CLAUSE (a bright tattoo of a flaming red phoenix could be seen) PASSIVE VOICE (on his right arm) PARENTHETICAL CLAUSE peeking (out from underneath his shirt sleeve) PARENTHETICAL CLAUSE (where it had rolled up.) SUBORDINATE CLAUSE.

Her solution: A flaming red phoenix tattoo could be seen on his right arm, peeking out from under the rolled up sleeve of his rock t-shirt.

Brilliant and perfect.

I’m going to blame my parents for relocating me too much and completely missing 7th and 8th grade grammar by attending two different schools before returning back to the first one. By the time I got into my 9th grade Honors English class, when the teacher put that little rocket ship do-hickie thingie on the board for us to do something with, I asked “what is that?” She was not amused.

Problem was, I didn’t think I was being funny.

For anyone who is at all interested in working with a great editor – Denise is doing a special until Labor Day. Normally she charges $4 a page, but she’s only charging $2 a page, doublespaced, for your manuscript. If you wish to take your writing up to the next level and have a real writing coach work with you, with the work personalized specifically to your novel, I highly recommend her. Here’s her website: http://www.thomas-talks-to-me.com/editing/index.html

 

FLYING TO THE FIRE… it’s coming March 2013!

Well, I’m starting to get excited. FLYING TO THE LIGHT, my first YA novel with Cool Well Press, has been out for over a year and I’ve had such a great response to it. I’ve been able to visit a bunch of schools, did some library chats and was hosted on a bunch of different websites and blogs. It’s been a lot of fun.

Then, I decided to self publish my dark fantasy tale, THE WORLD OF KAROV. Hey, it’s been sitting in my computer for years, the sequel is also written, so why not? I figured it would force me to really immerse myself in social media and the experience has been great. I did a free promo of the book and over 450 people downloaded it! It was very exciting.

But, the newest news is the March 2013 release of my upcoming thriller, FLYING TO THE FIRE. It is the sequel to FLYING TO THE LIGHT and takes our main character, Danny Anderson, who was only 6 in the first book, and now he’s 13. Here’s the teaser and blurb:

One looks up… and the other looks down…
An evil black mass is attacking Danny Anderson in his dreams and in his waking life. Attacks so vicious that if it weren’t for his birds, he would have died. Danny soon realizes that this monster is not coming for him, but for his little sister-because while he can see up to the place of light and peace, Katie can see down into the realm of darkness and cruelty. Danny must fight to save Katie before the creature steals her away… and she is lost to him forever.

Yep, there’s now a little sister. But don’t worry, Michael, Gary and Maddy are there too… along with a few surprises!
If you’d like to read FLYING TO THE LIGHT, please feel free to get it here: http://www.amazon.com/Flying-to-the-Light-ebook/dp/B00666JMOM/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1360790495&sr=8-2&keywords=flying+to+the+light

Thanks everyone! Happy Reading!

#26 Random Acts of Kindness

Like many of you, the horror of what happened in Connecticut stunned me. There were moments I was literally speechless as I tried to process it. I spent days and days afterwards reading all the stories, watching reports, just crying at my desk at work and at home. One day my husband came up to me and said, “Why do you keep reading about the victims? It just makes you upset.” I said, “Because I don’t want any one of them to ever be forgotten. I want their lives to have meant something and I want to know about them so they don’t just disappear.”

I spent a lot of time thinking about what I could possibly do for the people in Newtown. I have a girlfriend who lives in Sandy Hook and simply reached out to be an “ear” for her. I can’t imagine what it is like for her and her children (who are blissfully safe). To walk around their town and know the families that have been affected. To watch the news and see their neighbors on air, struggling to come to terms.  Her town is so quaint and beautiful and it’s been marred terribly. I hope in my heart they can heal. That the parents can heal. As a mom of 11 year old twins, I can not imagine going through this. You send your children to school and they should be able to come home. Safely.

So, I decided to do the one thing I could do, which is jump on board the “random acts of kindness” brigade. I’ve enlisted my children, who think it’s fun and quaint, but don’t quite understand the magnitude of why I am doing this. I want them to know there are good people in the world and that kindess isn’t something you have to do, but should do for others. That you don’t have to get any sort of recognition or acknowledgement, either. Just be kind and do good things and maybe it will make someone’s day happier.

So far we’ve done quite a few things. We’ve given out Duncan Donut’s gift cards to a passing sanitation worker, a policeman on the street, a guy behind us in line. The kids used their quarters and filled up the $0.25 gumball machines at the supermarket so it would be a big surprise for the kids who came there next. I tipped our waitress at lunch yesterday 60%, just to be nice. She actually came back up to us as we were leaving to say thank you. Today we purchased crayons, markers and coloring books from the art store and tomorrow we’re going to donate them to the pediatrics unit at the local hospital. I wrote a YA book called FLYING TO THE LIGHT and there are a bunch of copies in my car that I’m going to donate to the local libraries that don’t already have it.

I can’t bring back those children or the adults who tried to save them. But maybe I can do something in this world to help someone else and just maybe I can impart this concept to my children. I hope so and hope one day they’ll just do things to be nice and hopefully help this world to become a better place.

My new book launch THE WORLD OF KAROV

I’ve been writing for twenty years now. I’ve got seven books under my belt and at least fifty short stories and for the past twelve years I’ve been actively trying to sell all of them. I’ve been fortunate to have my short stories published in various magazines, online sites and anthologies and I was super fortunate to have my young adult novel, FLYING TO THE LIGHT, picked up by Cool Well Press in November, 2011.

But what I really want is my other books to see the light of day and that keeps eluding me.  You see, the very first book I wrote was called THE RUBY AMULET and I created this entire fantasy world rife with rules, different realms and a huge back story. Very epic of me. I tried to get it agented and not a one would take a peek at it. (of course, it was my very first book, terribly written and that probably was the real reason.) So, I hooked myself up with the amazing Denise Vitola – an editor/teacher who helped me become the writer I am today and we cleaned up that book and she taught me how to write. Over the years I’ve tried to get it agented and looked at again, with no luck, so, I decided to write another book in that series and THE WORLD OF KAROV was born. I tried to get THAT agented and read, and again, no takers. So I wrote more books and sent them out, too.

Rejection letters are frustrating, aggravating and defeating. But, it’s the letters and inquiries you send out that get NO reply that are even worse… did they get it? Is it just sitting there? How long do I wait? So, with self publishing being so accessible to authors, I thought I’d give it a try with THE WORLD OF KAROV and see how it goes. I figured at the very least, I’d immerse myself in the indie commuty, learn the social media ropes, and make some great friends. And I’ve achieved all that so far. I’m pretty up to speed on FB, Twitter, Google+, Pinterest and a bunch of other sites. I know how to upload books to Amazon, I’m learning how to format to print. I’ve worked with editors, illustrators, beta readers and other authors and it’s just been an incredible learning experience. So what is next? Learning to put my heart on the line, apparently.

THE WORLD OF KAROV is a dark fantasy novel. “Haunting and sad,” has been floated around. My beta readers liked the book, but are conflicted on the ending. Will people like it? I don’t know. I hope so. But what I do know is that I wanted to get this story out so I can continue with the sequel and wherever else I’d like this to go. Taking the plunge is hard, leaving yourself esposed to criticism even harder, but I’m at a point in my life where I don’t want to NOT do something because I’m scared or self conscious. So, my fellow readers, I’ve decided to jump in, feet first. Here’s a teaser and blurb from the book:

Teaser:

An ancient race of children hidden away, a set of identical twins who can speak to animals, and a ruby amulet with the power to rule the worlds…

Blurb:

Adam and Alec look like identical twins, but their personalities are as different as possible. Adam is gentle and kind, whereas Alec is the essence of nightmares. Always jealous of his twin, Alec does everything he can to destroy his brother’s happiness, including kidnapping Adam’s fiancée on their wedding day and disappearing with her deep into the Canadian mountains. Adam searches for them for months, but he never finds them. Just when Adam is at his most grief-stricken point, a stranger appears and offers him a chance for a new life in a land filled with magic, gems, and powers unimaginable; a world mysteriously led by a special tribe of children who have hidden themselves away from a great evil that is seeking to destroy them. Adam takes the chance and goes with the stranger, but his past is never far from his mind. Eventually, reality comes back to haunt Adam, resulting in a final showdown with his brother…. and this time, only one will win.

If anyone would like to read some sample chapters of the novel or purchase it on your e-reader (until I figure out how to format to print) here is the link. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and have a wonderful New Year!

http://www.amazon.com/World-Karov-Children-Demilee-ebook/dp/B00APJ6Z6Y/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1356108028&sr=8-1&keywords=the+world+of+karov